Bill O’Reilly speaking with Katie Couric on The Today Show:

“To fight every single day of my life, which is literally what I do in this culture war, this intense battle, it just sucks the energy out of you. So, I’m like an athlete. My body’s going to break down sooner or later under the stress of this.”

Wonkette’s answer:

Would somebody please give this soldier, this athlete, this broken-down, sucked-out four-star general and high-scoring quarterback of the Culture Wars a massage, please? Honestly, he makes Keith Richards look like a Noxema Girl.